newleywed advice - merging bank accounts

Kyle and I had discussed the topic of money before we got married.  We are both traditionalists and knew that we were going to merge our accounts together - my money is his money, his money is my money.  Before we got married and when we were making big purchases {our cars. my new laptop.} we sat down and discussed (a) how much we would pay at the most and (b) if we could afford it.  Big purchases were joint purchases because we were getting married and we would inherit each others debt.

We talked about the big bank account merge many times - but I guess for me - we had not talked about it enough.  Hence the sporadic "oh we have time lets head to the bank to merge accounts" panic attack.  For me I wasn't ready and Kyle could not understand why when I said "we haven't talked about it" (his answer: we have our plan) or when I said "we have not budgeted yet" (his answer: we don't need to to merge we can handle that after) or when I said "my accounts aren't in order" (his answer: what does that even mean?!) Long story short: I did not feel prepared enough to make that step.

1. I wanted a budget.  I wanted to know how much money he made per month and how much money we made together per month.  I wanted to know how much we were spending per month on living expenses and if we were living too close to our means and so we could readjust things. I wanted to know how much was left over after all the bills were paid so I could know how much was going into savings.
2. I wanted to know our plan.  I knew we would have one main account that we would pay our bills out of.  With 2 checking accounts coming off that for our allowances and then 1 credit card for bills and 1 credit card that Kyle cannot see that is my play money.  But I wanted my allowance and play money defined.  How much was I getting?  Could I survive on that?!
3. I wanted my accounts in order. I wanted to pay off my credit card bill. in full. so i would not have to use my allowance to do so and then be broke for a month.

Once I explained it all to Kyle, he got it.  And we sat down and budgeted. I made a spreadsheet {this is just a snapshot - it is wayyy more elaborate than this} that outlined our gross income & every living expense.  We went high on things like power, water, gas just to be safe.  We decided anything that was left over {after savings, allowances, and bills} would go into our Oh $h!t fund.  Yes. That is really what we're calling it & that fund is for the unexpected tire that needs to be replaced.  Things that were just not budgeted for.  And we track how much goes in it per month and how much is taken out per month and the final dollar amount in that fund. {this is all on a different part of this same spreadsheet}.  Then at the end of the year - we leave a portion of that money in that fund ... but we're going to move the rest into a savings account.

my oh la la fancy spreadsheet! so proud. so proud.

Speaking of savings accounts.  Saving money is wickedly important to me.  I always need a "fund" - it is like the grown up version of a piggy bank. So I decided to keep my need of "funds" {it really was not up for discussion} so we have like 8 savings accounts - future vacation fund. moving fund. buying a house fund. future baby fund. future college education fund. new car fund. just because fund. oh $h!t fund.  And we know how much per month we are going to put in each "fund".  So we track the starting balance {what was brought into the marriage} and how much we put in monthly - tracking how much each fund has it and how much money we have in savings in general.  And then when we bonus - 25% goes to the individuals allowance and then the recipient of that bonus decides how to save the other 75% {defining what is currently important to them.}

It is a lot.  We're tracking each penny we spend - which is a big change from before getting married.  And every year we are going to have to re-hash this budget thing as our salaries go up or our car insurance goes down.  But this works 100% for us and it took A LOT of communication and about 3 days of going back and forth but we got it worked out. So when we did go to the bank to merge accounts there was no panic attack.  I was comfortable and ready to go.

So my best advice when it comes to merging accounts and money - money is a sensitive topic and no two people really spend and save the same way so it takes a lot of open and honest communication to make it work & do it right.  We're just grateful we're no longer having to keep track of who owes who what!