my epiphany.

this is going to be a pretty honest post. i don’t do a lot of those. but i feel like this one is due. since i had a life epiphany while sweating it out in spin class this morning.

i have been happy but unhappy for a month or so now. i have been working long hours. i have been emotionally unstable. and tired. and not taking time for myself. and venting a lot. and brining my work stress home with me. i told kyle on friday {while in tears} that i feel like my spirit is crushed.

but randomly today i had a mini adult life chat with my brother. it was random. and unexpected. and short lived. and i probably dumped on him when he didn’t want to be dumped on or need to be dumped on, but i dumped. but he made some comments to me today that i had been hearing from SO many people. but something about him telling me it just clicked and stayed with me. maybe it is because he is SO far removed from the situation that i needed someone from the outside to just speak the truth.

i don’t want to go into major details because i am not sure who reads this anonymously {since one of the most common searches that land people here is: barbie shanahan blog}. but i have felt beat up at work and go home feeling defeated quite often. one individual just kills my happiness and makes me feel small and insignificant. i have gotten to the point where i just feel disengaged when this person is around and that my opinions and viewpoints surrounding the team i manage do not matter. and un-opinionated and disengaged is not me and not someone i want to be or strive to be. i am someone who likes to be challenged and is always wondering what is next. but i have lately felt like i just cannot win. and i have felt like i don’t know how much longer i could be bullied or pushed around.

i have told everyone all the time that i love what i do. i love the company i work for and the people i work with. i love the interaction with the field. i love knowing that when i hang up the phone with a recruiter that i have helped them. i love that i have built relationships with recruiters that when they chose to leave the company they send me thank you notes or super sweet emails. i love the complexity of background screenings and hiring laws. i love that i am always learning something new. i love what i do so much that kyle and i made the decision to not move back to virginia where we are both from and to start a real life down in Georgia. i love it so much that we have decided to have children in atlanta where we won’t have our parents to help us if and when need be and won’t have a support system within 25 miles. but one person ruins it all for me so often.

but today it dawned on me that i cannot let one person ruin it for me. i cannot let one person kick me till i am down and crying to kyle. i cannot bring constant bad days and weeks into my marriage. my marriage is one of the most important things in my life – if not THE most important thing – and it isn’t fair to kyle to have to see my cry so often or listen to me vent on more dog walks than not. i have to learn to separate the two. work stays at work.

today i realized that no matter where my life takes me, there will always be one person who pushes people till their breaking point and bullies people and runs people over. it is built into who they are. it is woven into the fibers that makes up their integrity and their values and their personality. every company has one. my brother deals with one at his place of work. my really good friend has one at her current job and her last job. they.are.everywhere. but it is all about how you manage your reaction to them and how you let them effect you. YOU CANNOT LET THEM EFFECT YOU.

and i made the decision that one person cannot and will not ruin it for me. i love what i do. i love who i work for. i love the team that reports to me. and i love the people i work with. i am stronger than that. i may still be young both in age and professionally – but i know who i am, i know what i am worth, and i know where i want to be.

so i am going to work on how i let this person effect me.

i am going to spend more time being happy.

if i need a mental health day. i am going to take it.

if i need a half day. i am going to take one.

kyle mentioned that the happiest he has ever seen me is when i was running. so i am going to run. and work out. and find my inner peace again.

life is just too short to be wrapped up in little insignificant drama. especially when i know that i am valued at my work. and i know i have a voice even when it does not seem like it. life is just too short to let someone make me unhappy and to stress me out and to crush my spirit.

i am just too blessed to not be happy. so starting tomorrow i am going TRY my very very best to not let this person get under my skin. i am going to make a HUGE effort to leave the office at 5:30 and go to the gym or run outside. i am going to take more time for ME.

while i understand, everyday cannot be merry and bright – i just have to remember that i am lucky and have a great husband and a great job and a great family and great friends and adorable dogs.

I love Alabama Football!

You know when I posted a few weeks ago about how Football Season was starting with cute little funny pictures or whatever.  I WISH I had seen this video.  It would have been a much much better Alabama Football Kick Off.  Oh well.  Here is it now. 

"This is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or I can use if for good. What I do today is important, because I'm exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever." –Paul Bear Bryant

I sure hope I can stay awake for the whole Ole Miss game tonight! 9 PM  Kickoff my time.  10 PM is my bedtime!! 

I Will Survive

Life has been CRAZY!  So crazy I evidently have a REALLY bad case of the tension headaches. Like really bad. Like, wake up in the morning with a headache - someone is squeezing my brain and sometimes jumping on my brain headaches. And they never go away.  So naturally, I spent a little time on WebMD to learn I had type 2 diabetes, a brain tumor, a heart defect, chronic fatigue syndrome, meningitis, and/or tension headaches. But I went to a REAL doctor today to be told that I will survive and they're 100% stress related tension headaches. Weeeee.

 

So, for 10 days I am on major pain medication - muscle relaxers {after hours of course - no doping on the job} and if that doesn't work it will be a fun little CT scan. But... he ruled out the brain tumor so there is no need to be alarmed. I just need to get a massage, a new pillow, and learn how to destress a little bit.

 

But big thanks to the husband who has made dinner and let me be a debilitated blob once home and on the weekends and just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to die on him like the lady in The Art of Racing In the Rain.

 

In other news. I have found a house I LOVE and I am going to reach out to our real estate agent to see if we can see it ASAP since it price drops every.freaking.week.  Current price tag: $200,000 and according to my boss it has A+ schools and is a super nice area.

How pretty is that thing?

And, it is fairly new {1999) - 4 bedrooms - 2.5 baths - gorgeous - new kitchen - built in wine fridge {hello} - great bathtub - gorgeous kitchen.

 

This is something we would break a lease over. We of course have 4 million and one home buying questions we need and want to ask and since it is a short sale it would be bought as is, but it is so pretty and I LOVE it and want to live there.

 

I am looking forward to the weekend - how about you?!

friday fun. letters & baked tacos

I don’t really feel like blogging. But I feel like blogging. I don’t feel like  doing Friday Letters because it is overplayed, but I feel like it is a constant and I need to do it. I feel like I am super tired even though it was an easy(ish) week. I think I just may crawl in bed at 10:00 PM because I can. I am counting down the days till I head to the beach. I just cannot wait to escape life and reality for a little bit!

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Dear Kyle J :: I am so lucky to have you. You are the best bug killer I have ever met. I would live in constant fear if it wasn’t for you. Those crazy centipede things give me the heebie jeebies. When we buy a house can we bug bomb it before we move in?! please?!

Dear Bethenny Frankel :: I feel bamboozled. I am loving your skinny girl wine, BUT I learned that all white wine is about 100 calories. So I feel lied to. But, I give you credit. You’re one smart senorita putting “100 calories” on the front of every wine bottle. But, I will save $10 going forward and go back to my other whites. Nice Try.

Dear Work :: thank you for a good week. I have been in a good mood and it is because you were peaceful.

Dear Nail Salon by my office :: I hate you. Sometimes I just want a manicure and a pedicure and I come to you because you do them {well are supposed to do them} simultaneously. But. The last few times I have had my feet done but not my hands and no, no, I do not want to spend 2 hours with you. Time for a new nail place. You wide variety of colors will no longer pull me in.

Dear Revenge :: How did I just now find about about your wonderfulness. I don’t care that I have lost my life everyday since Sunday to you. And I cannot wait until you come back to TV in a few weeks.

Dear Laptop :: You make me so angry. I don’t know how or why or how you do it, but I have that every now and then I am typing and typing some more and then you just jump up a few lines. Do I hit the mouse pad thing? Just stop. I hate it.

...On another note... In true Friday night tradition we had a quick easy pinterest meal and I recommend this one as well.

.Baked Tacos.
so easy and so good.

Preheat the oven to 400*
Stuff hard taco shells with taco meat (ground beef + taco seasoning)
Add Mexican Mix Cheese
Bake for 10 minutes
Add whatever toppings
Devour.

Anyone have any fun weekend plans?! I plan on hitting up Pure Barre tomorrow {maybe} but for sure FlyWheel on Sunday. I wonder if I can talk Kyle J into a walk around Stone Mountain tomorrow?! And I hope Alabama beats some Arkansas booty tomorrow. Roll Tide!

how pinteresting. home decor. wall art.

I linked up again this week with the Oh, How Pinteresting blog link up. This week, I am focusing on the REAL purpose of the link up and highlighting all things home decor – wall art in picture form. part of my “house fever” is staring at pretty things on pinterest that I want and need. to decorate the walls of our house.

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I want this “you have my whole heart for my whole life” thing for over our bed. I have been looking on Etsy, but have not found one that I love and looks as good as this one. I am pretty sure Kyle would HATE it, but he is not our interior designer, I am. :)

I love the Song of Solomon 3:4 scripture verse wooden plaque thing. I actually wanted it on our wedding program, but it somehow got left off. I found it on Etsy for not a bad price, my only reservations are (1) where would I put it. (2) I don’t want our house to have too much lovey dovey stuff on the walls.  ...I feel like it would have to go in our bedroom but then we may have too much going on on the walls OR it could go around/near where we hang wedding pictures, but we both don’t want a million and one pictures of US hanging around on our walls. meaning: this will probably never grace our walls, but I can/could live with that.

I picture this monogram over and entrance table by our front door. painted the same color as the baseboard trim of our walls. I am pretty sure this is another thing kyle would absolutely hate.

I LOVE this sign for our laundry room. My dream laundry room will be an actual room rather than in the mudroom and will be upstairs. obviously, it doesn’t have to be a BIG room – but big enough to hang this on the wall that you see as you walk in.

I cannot wait to actually start house hunting {rather than internet browsing like I am doing} and looking at houses and blogging about our house hunt. and then buy a house and decorate our house and then blog about our house and blog about decorating our house. oh to be an almost 30 something married lady. the things in life that make you happy and excited change so much the older you get. it is crazy.

but, I hope everyone is having a good week! it is FLYING by!!!

weekend wrap up

this weekend was bland and boring and low key. but that is exactly what I needed. work last week was awful {why are 4 day work weeks the worst?!} and I haven’t been feeling all that well. so it was nice to pretty much do nothing and not leave the house, at all.

We continued our trend of super easy Friday night meals with Calzones. and seriously, they were SO easy and SO tasty.  So, tasty that I burnt the hello out of the top of my mouth and I wasn’t really able to eat or enjoy food for the rest of the weekend. Kyle, of course, jammed his so full that he had a hard time rolling it up. But I really wouldn’t expect anything less from him!

If you want to add them to your kitchen rotation, all you need is:
- Pillsbury thin crust pizza dough {cut in half to make 2}
- pizza sauce {I use the Kroger brand}
- mozzarella cheese
- any contents you want {we did pepperoni and jimmy dean sausage}
- baked for like 19 minutes on 400*

I seriously recommend them. And they will be added to our lazy easy meals on Friday! But we just vegged out. Ate calzones, watched a movie on the couch.

Saturday we ghetto rigged my laptop to the TV to stream the Alabama vs. Western Kentucky game from ESPN3. The game was kinda boring to be honest and the quality was bad ... so we didn’t really watch too much of it. I watched A LOT of TV Netflix streaming on Kyle’s iPad.

Sunday I got up for Flywheel with Afton and nearly died.  Crazy spin class was a BAD idea when I felt awful. I couldn’t breathe through my nose and then I had to breathe through my mouth so my breathing was shallow and I thought I was gonna die.  Even though I am becoming a FlyWheel pro, this was my worst class ever. EVER.  We when went to lunch and Zoes Kitchen was like a jungle gym and it was awful and then I had to go grocery shopping and then I took my cranky, sick, butt home and got in bed and watched more TV on Netflix.

Kyle of course did more of his P90X and watched his Redskins beat the Saints! So I had a happy happy husband this weekend! :)

How was your weekend?!

oh. how pinteresting. killer workout.

I am notorious for pinning workout ideas on pinterest and then NEVER EVER EVER doing anything with them. I decided to change that this past weekend and pulled out what appeared to be a workout that would make me sweat and Holy Moses it did.

I just took a screenshot of this picture on my phone and toted it around the gym with me so I knew what I needed to do and when.

Blond Moment: When I looked at the cardio plan, I thought hey that won’t be SO bad ... and then I realized {while at the gym mind you} that I was doing 60 minutes – 1 HOUR – of cardio before having to do anything else.

Hi. Hello. I workout for like a hour max and then I am dunzo. So this workout was a step up from my normal workouts.

I ended up modifying the cardio bit because I really HATE the elliptical. So, I did 30 minutes on the tread and then 20 on the elliptical and then 20 on the bike. By the time I hit the bike I was sweating and ready to quit. But, I still had arms. Oh arms.

When I moved onto the arms I was tired. But I figured I had not yet used my arms so how bad can it be. Well, they started hurting near the end of the bicep curls because I ever ever use my arms. Some were easier than others {easier: rows, bicep curls. harder: triceps kickbacks and bench press} needless to say – I was happy that bit ended.

The Legs + Booty part made my want to SCREAM after all that cardio. The lunges and squats and then calf raises. Goodness. Me. The words I could have said. hated.this.part.wanted.to.die.wanted.to.puke.wanted.to.die.

And I was TIRED when I had to lay my butt down for abs. So tired that I wanted to just lay there. And I did, for a bit and then I crunched and crunched some more.

And, I did not do that cool down – I cannot stand on my head for 30 seconds, let alone 5 minutes. And... wouldn’t all the blood rush to your head after like 3 minutes?!  My cool down consisted of some stretching, refilling my water, breathing, and getting the heck out of that gym.

Overall Review: Killer. Awesome. Totally felt it the next day. Will do again. But it will be a weekend workout since it takes so much time. I totally had to Google some of the workouts to figure out what they were and how to do them. But since I am working to get back to how I looked BEFORE my wedding I think this is an excellent addition to my FlyWheel and Blast900 obsessions and the treadmill runs that I suffer through! :)

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.this is totally not the point of the Oh, how Pinteresting Link up that I am linking up with but I don’t care. I found the workout on Pinterest (like many girls do) and decided to actually for real try it. So, rather than just positing pretty pictures, I posted a picture and reviewed it. BAM. that is my version of Oh, How Pinteresting for the week.