Current Emotion: Heartbroken

I am currently in Alabama for work, which is fine. I am heading back to Atlanta today. But yesterday I got a picture from Kyle via text message and when I saw it, I got so excited and then I saw the date.

Muffins with Mom - Thursday May 7th at 2:45 PM.  It then hit me [ literally like running into a brick wall ] that I would not be able to make it. I would be out of town for my best friend's wedding that day - my very best friend from college, the girl that I love more than anyone will ever know, and the girl that always knows the right thing to say and always brightens my day. And I immediately had 2 options.  1. Skip Muffins with Mom or 2. Skip the Bridesmaid Brunch on Friday morning.  And I knew that option 2, skipping the brunch was not an option. 

 

I cried. And LAWD did I cry. I called Kyle from my hotel room after Pure Barre and I cried. Hardest cry in a long time. I turned red I cried so hard. You see - these are the things that I have been looking forward to. We had be talking about muffins with mom and donuts with dad since we did our tour and I have to miss the 1st one. And I know there will be more, but this is the first one.  This is my FIRST Mother's Day. I won't get another first Mother's Day or another first muffins with mom. And I also don't get a very special art project for my FIRST MOTHER'S DAY!

 

Of course, I am asking my parents to pull her out of school that day or at least before this event happens. I don't want to be judged as the mom who didn't show up because she couldn't make time or couldn't get away from the office when that is not the truth. I would be there with freaking bells on if I could be there. But I can't. And McKenna cannot and will not be the only kid without a mom to have muffins with and do a very special art project with.

 

Seriously, current emotion... heartbroken. And as I finish this up, I am starting to cry again. Simply because I love that monster. I love being her Mom. I was and am so excited for things like this. And I was so excited for a Mother's Day art project - a first mother's day art project - and I am missing out on that.

 

....And you better believe we're getting up on Sunday morning to haul back to Atlanta so I can get some time with my little Kenna on Mother's Day...

|| 41 || .take time to do what makes your soul happy.

… I am jumping ahead – again – forgive me … but the gratitude challenge that was right after ‘family’ is a little too similar so I am going to spread it out!

As a full time working semi-new mom to an adorable little love bug I do not have a lot of time to myself.  In fact, Kyle used to tell me that I need to find a hobby since I think I was driving him a little crazy at times.

My hobbies currently include, but are not limited to:
1) running {alone or with the family}
2) FlyWheel {normally at 6:00 AM}
3) Pure Barre {normally at lunch}

…trend? Yeah. Working out. but I am insanely grateful for those activities/hobbies because they force me to take me time. Time for me to release a lot of stress. Time for me to think about what in the world I am doing with my life. I sometimes have epiphanies on the spin bike. I sometimes just blank out and think about nothing while at Pure Barre. I sometimes just need a good 45 minute run to “Rage the Night Away” to keep from breaking.

And sometimes the hobby includes my husband and little girl – but there really is nothing better than a family run on the Greenway on the weekends or a family 5K or 10K on a Saturday morning. I love celebrating with Kyle when his 5K finish time is faster than his last.  After years of running alone and racing alone I love having someone by my side and I am thankful that Kyle is healthy with me so we can set that example for little M.

Working out has not only become my hobby but it has also become my sanity.  I have found something that is good for me to lose myself in when I am questioning everything or beating myself up over work or just had a bad week or day.  Pounding the pavement or leaving it all on the bike really does clear my mind – even if it is just a temporary thing.

I am forever grateful for a good run. or a good pure barre class. or a good morning on the spin bike. the harder the workout the better. the harder the workout the more stress is lost. the harder the workout the more I think and get rid of the petty stupid things. and the best thing about those 3 hobbies of mine, no matter how long I am gone all 3 welcome me back with open arms [ and a swift kick in the butt ] and for that I am even more grateful.

always find time for the things that make you feel happy to be alive.

Gratitude || Week 4 || Family

…yup, I am running a week behind I am aware… therefore, you’re in for 2 gratitude posts this week.

Family. Yup. I have one. Yup. I am grateful for them. Every single member of my family. And I don’t think family is limited to those people who you are connected to by birth or marriage. I have a work family too.

My family is made up of Kyle, McKenna, Kennesaw, and Mulligan. 3 humans, 2 furbabies and it is a circus. They all keep me on my toes and keep me laughing and make me not take life too serious. 

then I have my mom and dad who are not too far away and it is great having them close by.  Not only does my daughter get to grow up knowing her grandparents and spending lots of time with them – it is nice to be able to have a life when having a baby since I know we can often count on them to watch the little monster.  and I know I was a total pain in their butt growing up, but I have to believe their hard rules and early curfews must have semi shaped me into who I am today.

I have an older brother who also lives in Atlanta and I don’t see him as often as I should, but he is the kind of guy who would drop everything for you if he could and help you out. And I have only had to call in a few favors over the years, but it is nice to know that there is someone who will come turn off your crock pot because you’re 100% convinced it will burn your house down while you’re at work and not think you’re totally crazy.

and then there is my aunt who has kept us stocked on the cutest baby clothes around, but more importantly she has allowed us to not have to think about keeping our kid clothed when there are so many other things to think about.  and just in general, she has the largest heart around and I can only hope to love my family as much as she loves all of us.

then there is my work family. my office mom { karen } and my work wife { afton } and my buddy { Lydia } … who keep me sane and are there for me to vent to and the ones who challenge my thoughts and give me advice all the time and who are honest with me and laugh with me.

Quite honestly, there are times { a lot of times } that I tend to take people for granted. I just assume they will always be around and I will always have people in my corner, but that isn’t how life really works. But… these are some people that I am thankful for and am glad to have in my corner.

McKenna’s First Easter

McKenna had a great first Easter.  The Easter Bunny spoiled her with bubbles and books clothes and food and some super fun toys {she LOVES her camera} and then we got to do dinner with my parents, so she got a little extra loving that day!

She tore right into her Easter Basket and wouldn’t let me put things back into the basket – everything had to stay on the floor where she could touch it and feel it.

Luckily she was too young for the neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt, because I thought it was on Sunday when it was actually on Saturday {that would have been a huge mommy fail} but we’re looking forward to possibly doing that next year.  But, if you cannot tell from the basket pictures – it may take her a few years to grow into her basket so she can hold it… ….not drag it.

BUT! We had a great first Easter. Watching her dive right into the basket makes me excited for her 1st birthday and then Christmas!

gratitude #15 :: spring is here

 

As you can tell – I am jumping ahead! I figured, it would be OK and appropriate to jump ahead since it is officially spring,

I once saw the quote, “my favorite weather is bird chirping weather” and I don’t know who said it or wrote it but it could not be more accurate. 

Spring could be my favorite season.  I am not going to say the cliché I am grateful winter has ended and we have nice weather … in fact, I may not even mention the term grateful. Simply because I don’t know what I am grateful about spring.

But I will say I love spring weather. I love that it is not too hot and not too cold. I love the crispness of the mornings and the evenings. I love when I can pull out the flip flops and sandals. I love that spring signifies the start of months of puppy play dates and weekend mornings on the greenway with my family and nightly dog walks and Friday night wine nights on the back porch under the stars and weekend coffee on the porch with a good book.

Maybe I am grateful for all that? Maybe I am grateful that spring signifies the start of getting out of the house more and seeing our neighbors more? Maybe I am grateful for sandal weather because I can get more pedicures? ….but I can say that I am thankful that the cold weather is behind us and spring signifies pretty weather!  WAIT! I TOTALLY SAID I WOULDN’T SAY THAT. Le Sigh.

What about spring are you grateful for?