Respecting the Mileage.

From day 1 of my attempt to run a half marathon and then switching to a full marathon I have always been told to 'respect the mileage' and when I was committed to the 13.1 I think I did respect it. I think I had my arms and head wrapped around it that this would take some serious determination and effort. And then on a whim I said heck why not... what's another 13.1 to make it 26.2 (???) -- well my friend it's a lot. It's even more when you have so much on your plate you feel like you cannot breathe - that there are not enough hours in the day - that your boyfriend tells you to 'marry your blackberry because you're always on it' - that you're checking your work email at 3am after running to the bathroom - that you wake up at 4am panicking that something will go wrong tomorrow. (I should actually be in bed since I have to be out the door at 6:40 am for a networking event from 7:30am-3:30pm). ...26.2 miles is also a lot when you feel like you don't have the support behind you that you need/want. And when you don't have it from the 1 person you want it most. When the 1 person you want to be your 'at home cheerleader' tells you the paramedics are going to carry you across the finish line [he was semi-joking of course] ...running is a mind game that is effected by both your personal thoughts and those you're surrounded by...

.....so this has been weighing on my mind since I found about the 6 hour limit.... and it's hard to admit since I am someone who has so so so much pride and someone who is constantly setting the bar high ... but for me to even attempt to be in marathon shape and enjoy it is pretty much absurd and I am beginning the realize this. And no, this is not me doubting my abilities... it's me looking my life in the mirror and saying 'something has to give'.

This morning I reached out to my marathon coordinator and told her that I wanted to go back to doing the half, 13.1 miles is enough and all I think I can really commit to at this point in my life. I want to enjoy the experience, I want to look back and say man that was an AWESOME weekend. And I think that if I pushed myself too hard in training I wouldn't be there [my hamstring has started to hurt - my lower legs hurt from time to time] ... and if I pushed myself too hard that weekend I wouldn't enjoy the after party ... I wouldn't enjoy the pre.party if I was fretting the 26.2 the next day. I want to enjoy this experience with Beka.

Plus. Like I was once told. "You can't fun a full without finishing a half" -- and maybe completing the half will give me the confidence to run the heck out of a full. (The full being... Disney 1.10.10)

I am at a point right now where I am in the office from 8:00 am until 7pm at night [no lunch break], drowning, unable to keep up, overwhelmed by the amount of work. Granted... more work = more money for the branch which is something I would never ever turn away. But by the time I get home it's close to 8 and I still have to make dinner. catch up with my boyfriend. spend time with my dog. and running just gets pushed to the wayside. Sure, I could run in the morning - but even at 6:40 when my alarm goes off I am dead.exhausted.praying for 5 more minutes. In 2 weeks life will be better, we have a new girl in the branch starting to take over the recruiting role... she knows what she is doing so the onboarding will be limited. But then my life can get back to some normalcy.

I broke it down with my boyfriend. I told him I was tired of bickering over stupid things that mean a lot to me and that I feel like he does not understand. We agreed that he will wake up Saturday with the dog, and I get from 7 am - 10 am to run/shower/take over and he will go take a nap till he is ready to rise and shine again. He then can sleep as late as he wants on Sunday. If I want to nap... I will fit it in... but I am so active I rarely nap. I let him know that this is something that is so so so important to me and that the miles for the half marathon are way less intimidating than the full marathon. I communicated to him that I was interested in participating in the Disney Marathon in January... so after Nike I wanted to continue and move into training for Disney. And low and behold he agreed and supports me in this new found hobby.

It is a major weight that has been lifted. Less pressure. Just gotta focus. I can now enjoy training. Get active with Team in Training because the miles aren't as 'scary' and I can enjoy the upcoming races I am doing in September -- all 4 zillion of them. So. Basically, I need to get in the groove for this half and then I can focus on the Disney Marathon, which I WILL do and I WILL do the Full.

And with that. I am off to bed. Gotta make connections tomorrow and grow the business of my branch.